How to Survive Mrs. Malaprop’s Class- Pt. 2


Welcome back, dear reader! Here begins the second installment in “the Guide to Surviving Mrs. Malaprop’s Class.” You may wish to revisit the previous installment from two weeks ago before reading this part, as there is a level of continuity between the posts. Enjoy!

You need to build up stamina if you get Mrs. Malaprop because, as the example went,* you will likely have to talk to her multiple times for a simple problem. It’s almost like a buy-one-get-three free deal with her tutorials. This may be all right for other teachers, who (on a non-tutorial day) might have a wait time of ten minutes and the most time you will typically spend will be fifteen minutes total. In Mrs. Malaprop’s class, however, everything is screwy, so every day kids are coming in to talk to beg to her, and she is very disorganized, and she is slow at responding to inquiries, and she is very stubborn about being wrong. These issues combined with the fact that she never has morning tutorials, despite having one listed as a tutorial time, makes each day after school that you need to talk to her 40 minutes of your time, usually. Although the time passes quickly when you check your grade online several times and have multiple heart attacks, each visit is a herculean task. There’s an average of about seven kids each day after school, and each one needs to talk to her about some grade or paper. So she digs in her pile of unsorted garbage to find what she needs, talks to a kid for about 5-10 minutes because there’s no way she or the answer key were wrong, and then she moves to the next kid victim. The best idea would be to get to her room ASAP to be the first in line, and to minimize the time you will waste to about 20-25 minutes. If you end up being stuck in the line, I recommend going to the bathroom before rather than after.

The reason you have to come in multiple times is that she will either: forget about the grade change, go back on the grade change, or ask you to come back later because you didn’t finish because there were too many kids waiting for execution. Each fix is about 2-3 visits pilgrimages, unless it is extremely minor. It’d be in your best interests to go as a group, to expedite the process, as you could, as a group, explain the problem and have all of your problems fixed at once. However, this would make life too easy for AP students, so Mrs. Malaprop decided that everything needs to be one-to-one. Truly a duel of the fates. This slows everything down to a crawl, even when people have the same problem, and the worst part is that even if multiple people give her the same explanation, it will be taken less seriously because they were separated.

A side note to the tutorials is that the only time you can expect her to be there in the morning is if she promises a group of four or more people that she will be there, and repeats this promise two days consecutively. In the morning, she either isn’t there, has to print some papers, or needs to “get ready.”  At the risk of offending her, it would be best if you could get her to give you an appointment card like the dentist gives you, but even then, nothing is binding.

“I’m so excreted for next week’s blog post!” -Mrs. Malaprop

*wherein a boy went in three days consecutively to ask the same question to no avail

** does not endorse Nazism or any of its proponents

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