How to Survive Mrs. Malaprop’s Class- Pt. 3

Welcome back, dear reader! Here begins the third installment in “the Guide to Surviving Mrs. Malaprop’s Class.” You may wish to revisit the previous installment from two weeks ago before reading this part, as there is a level of continuity between the posts. Enjoy!

You may ask why you would need to self study if our teacher has been handpicked to teach a tier 4 class, an AP class, which has the most rigorous curriculum the school offers. It’s because she can’t teach. I can’t be sure that she doesn’t know the content because she does have a degree and does have her moments of insight. I know for a fact she doesn’t know the math, but at times it’s possible the language barrier hinders her ability to teach, but it really isn’t excusable due to just how bad it gets. Her lectures are basically like a fifth grade science class presentation, that little Johnny copied pasted together from Wikipedia articles during lunch, and Johnny has no idea what the phases of the moon are. She stares directly at the Google Slides presentation, which was made by Mr. Absolute, as evidenced by the fact that Mrs. Malaprop has no idea what’s happening on the slides. She usually opens each slide by saying one of the large bullet points; for example “eugenic cells are…” then she will pause for upwards of 15 seconds (which is long, especially when you are also extremely stressed for the test tomorrow that you don’t know anything about) until she finally gives up trying to formulate/improvise something of her own creation and just reads the bullet point under the first one (ie. “has a nucleon”). Basically, her Slides presentations are wastes of time because she doesn’t prepare to teach them and just assumes she can improv, which she never can’t, ever. You read the whole slide before she’s done saying the first bullet point and get no additional information from her exposition. It’s just down time to contemplate how you got into this horrible situation known as AP Biology. Your time is better spent just reading the textbook as she is talking. Her other form of lecture is somehow worse, because she doesn’t have the slides to use as backup in case she short circuits. In this type of lecture, she simply asks the students to lecture for her. This is a demo-

Mrs.Malaprop- “Ok learners, today we talking about cell division, now who can tell me about mitosis?”

1-2 whole minutes of silence

Mrs.Malaprop- “Come on class (awkward laugh)”

More silence

Mrs.Malaprop- “Ok let’s look at the work”

Now, she usually just asks another question, but I wanted to spare my dear readers, to give them the consideration she usually doesn’t. You may notice that, throughout this entire lecture, the class didn’t learn anything, and again would’ve simply been better off just reading the textbook during her lecture. I would recommend looking up how to do the worksheets before they are due, rather than after.


“Next week’s post was filled with subsidiarity!” -Mrs. Malaprop


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