Welcome to my new series including Mrs. Malaprop! You didn’t think she was just going to go away, did you? Here we’ll explore some different scenarios where Mrs. Malaprop’s brilliance truly shone.
Something I haven’t mentioned about Mrs. Malaprop’s class yet is labs and the lab tests you have to do throughout the year. Labs are a major part of this class, and the concepts from these labs are on the AP exam. Lab tests count as a major grade in the class. Based off what I’ve already said, you’ve probably already guessed that these are a crapshoot. Each lab somehow goes horribly wrong (like clockwork), which always adversely affects the students.
Lets discuss one specific lab that went awry- The Bug Excrement Lab. First, a lot of kids were out during data collection (which was run by substitute teachers, although Mrs. Malaprop wasn’t a huge step up from them) for AP exams, and now they just don’t have data, only a minor road bump in this class. Then, she didn’t give anyone enough data to do statistical analysis and wanted the analysis done by Monday, a slightly larger issue. This was combined with the fact that we did this lab 3 weeks ago and didn’t know what to study or what will be on the lab test, and this was the straw the broke the camel’s back.
The way she usually tells us to “prepare” for a lab test is by doing “background research,” which as nebulous as it sounds, is made even worse because she doesn’t give us any hints. This is very common, and it’s another place where the luck plays a part in your grade, because if you randomly know something that happens to be on the lab test, a major grade, you get a huge bonus because there are only about 5 questions on the lab test. Unfortunately, its as likely as winning the lottery or getting an A in this class. There are two examples for this, once she told us to just study “plant hormones” for the lab test, no chapter numbers, nothing. If you look at the Wikipedia page, plant hormones are huge topic with tons of branches (pun intended). Your best bet would be to look up the teacher’s guide for the lab, because it will have all the topics you need to know for the lab test. The fact that lab tests are such large grades is made worse when a third of that grade is something we’ve never learned.
On another lab test, we had a short response question on how hydrogen peroxide is broken apart (by hydrogen peroxidase). Very few people had the background information to answer this random question (as usual), some people had too much background info because they understood how hydrogen peroxide breaks up into ions naturally, and most people had no idea. This would be bearable if the question was only 5 points of the overall grade, but instead she decided to disregard half of the lab test (make it worth no points) and then increase the value of the hydrogen peroxide question to almost half the entire grade. Not even M. Night Shyamalan could devise such a horrible twist. So once again, hardworking, American kids fail for no reason and they can’t get an A despite their hard work due to Malaprop’s whims.
“I wonder what this new sepal holds, hopefully it’s as good as the last sere!” -Mrs. Malaprop