Welcome to Part 2 of the Misadventures of Mrs. Malaprop! This is a slightly longer post.
Mrs. Malaprop has a warped outlook on how students are supposed to react to situations and how she is supposed to respond to students, like she interprets the world through a kaleidoscope. As I’ve said before, she’s a walking broken communist propaganda machine on repeat, saying that “she’s here for us,” and that “she’s here to help us.” Her best sayings are those she just doesn’t think about. “You have question, I have answer,” or “I’ll get back to you on that.” Both of which she almost never does, and you can tell she didn’t think about them because they are listed in the Communist Manifesto at pages 113 and 150.
Her immediate, defensive response is “I don’t know, you tell me.” She might think this is some clever way to cover her ineptitude, but it is so initially infuriating and afterwards is so easily seen through, that it just wastes time and truly proves how little she knows. Its worth noting, this is one of the few times she deviates from the Manifesto, hallowed be its name. Whenever we don’t get enough information or mess up on a question or lab, she accosts students and asks them “why they were wrong” or why we couldn’t do something as “AP learners.” It was quite the Comintern experience. Once, she paused on each question of a quiz and asked why people picked the wrong answer, I don’t know, maybe because, they didn’t know the answer?
The “AP learners” is her best comment, because it assumes that just because we enrolled for an AP class, we should have clairvoyance because when she doesn’t explain the lab or the concept or changes a due date randomly, it is now our fault for not knowing better. On the transpiration lab, some teams didn’t set up the experiment properly, and she only realized halfway through class, and blamed the kids for not knowing how to do the lab. The earliest example of this lunacy was when she taught us to round to the nearest chi square value, but when reviewing test questions, she started questioning why most kids put a single number as their answer instead of a range, which isn’t what she told us to do. She assumes her words are basically non binding, that if she says something she shouldn’t be held to it, because being a teacher removes your responsibility somehow. Teach it wrong, it’s the students’ faults. Give wrong information, it’s the students’ faults for not finding it out. Grade incorrectly, it’s the students’ fault, because reasons (possibly due to the influence of Stalinist ideology). My hypothesis is that this is why it takes so long to fix something in her class, because she has told so many people so many ways to do the same thing (because she makes a plethora of assumptions when she forgets something while teaching), that she can’t know for sure what she told someone, and so she just assumes that the student knew what she now knows to be true.
Join us next week for something a little more liquefaction! Truly spilling to the bone!- Mrs. Malaprop